Passionate Pursuit #1
Meeting for the First Time
The Purpose: The purpose of this pursuit is to (re-)discover your partner and to (re-)introduce yourself to them by pretending to meet your partner as if you were meeting for the very first time, as you are today.
The Set Up: To set-up this scenario, agree to meet at a location of your choice (a hotel lounge, a bar, a coffee shop…) at a time that works for both of you, but one partner chooses the location and should arrive 15 minutes before the other to select a seat or table alone, where they can be easily “seen.” This partner is the “pursued.” The partner who arrives later is the “pursuer.” Individually, each of you is planning an evening out. You are single and available, so take the time to dress to impress and take care in your appearance.
The Rules: The rules for this pursuit are as follows:
1. The location should be “neutral ground” and not familiar to either of you or where you would expect to run into friends, co-workers or family who know you as a couple.
2. The location should not be your home.
3. Except for emergencies, your cell phones are set to silent and you will accept no interruptions.
4. No “real life” discussions (as a married couple) are allowed. No discussions about your schedules, problems with kids, chores, etc., except in the context of the pursuit. As an example, you can mention that you have children, but remember the other person doesn’t know anything about them. So ask questions about “each other’s children,” or your work, special interests, etc. You will be amazed about what you discover!
The Pursuit: You are to pretend that you do not know each other and that you are single and hopeful of meeting someone new tonight. In all other ways, however, you will be yourself and who you are today. You are not pretending to be someone else or who you were when you first met. You have the life you have now; with kids, work, interests, hobbies, friends and family, it is just that you are pretending that the other person knows NOTHING about those things and that you know nothing about their life.
When the “pursuer” arrives, look around the room and find a table or seat where you can catch the eye of the “pursued.” Settle in, have a drink and relax for a few minutes. Let the anticipation build. Catch the eye of the pursued and make it known they have caught your attention. When you notice the pursued’s glass getting low, approach, introduce yourself, ask to buy the next round, and ask to join them.
From here, for both the pursuer and the pursued, it is all about asking questions and actively listening. Who are they? What do they do? What are their hobbies, passions, desires, dreams, and needs? As the pursued, you find the pursuer fascinating and it is exciting to see someone take such interest in you. Remember, the pursuer knows nothing about you, so provide details, be open in your responses and ask questions and actively listen in return.
When you find the pace slowing, ask the following question, “What question haven’t I asked you tonight that you really hoped I would?” This allows the other to tell you something they may have wanted you to know but have never had the opportunity before. When it’s time to end the evening, the pursuer can say something like, “This has been great! May I see you again?” and you can set a time and place to continue your discovery of each other. You may choose to leave separately or together, and if the feeling is right, continue the evening elsewhere.
Note: It is best not to set expectations on what is to happen when you get home. The focus of this pursuit is getting to know one another as if you knew nothing about your partner. Whatever this might lead to later should be considered a bonus, not the objective!